Mental Health Therapist: 10 years later.
I’ve spent the last 10 years as a mental therapist, here are 3 things that I’ve learned…
When I first started this journey, I noticed how the art of listening and reflecting can go a long way. For many of us, we are simply waiting for an opportunity to interject our own thoughts, and seldom do we actually arrive in conversations wanting to just listen. Active listening and hearing others out can go a long way in healing. I’ve learned that when you are actively trying to understand the way others feel, you can properly communicate empathy towards others and that’s a key part of human development and connection. Consider some of your closest friends; how often do they make you feel heard? Isn’t there much more of a sense of intimacy when we are validated?
Past hurts tend to resurface. The act of forgiveness is huge and it can be healing. However, forgiveness may not be a one-time act. For many, it’s going to take an extended amount of time for us to heal and may require us to forgive daily. It’s interesting how old wounds can resurface in different seasons of our lives. Those wounds aren’t necessarily a bad thing or even a negative experience. Rather, it’s an opportunity for us to reflect and re-experience the relief of forgiveness and the reality that we have faults of our own. Our stronger emotions may have been conditioned over time as ‘bad’ but let it only serve as a reminder that we are on a journey. So for us who struggle with forgiveness, know that it may be a lifelong daily choice, but that choice of forgiveness is essential for personal growth.
Your parents are people; shocking I know. I think one of the greatest areas of reflection can be found in the reality that your parents are people. Maybe it’s because I'm a father now, who knowingly admits and understands that we don’t always get things right all the time. The truth is your parents, way before they were your father or mother, were human beings with dreams, aspirations, and hope. For many of our parents, the trauma of their own past did not escape them. We need this understanding as we approach our own interactions with them. We would benefit greatly to start to understand the scope of empathy that needs to be extended to them if we want to grow ourselves. It would better us tremendously to start to view the upbringing and choices that your parents made as opportunities to reflect and grow from. The disclaimer here is that there are many individuals who had terribly awful parents and because of that an extended amount of traumatic childhood experiences. If this is you, reach out speak to a professional therapist, there is support, there is hope.
Over the years, I've seen these themes play out over and over. And I wish growth were as simple as seeing the trends and applying them to our lives and moving on. Unfortunately, life habits are more circular than linear. However, the journey is the sweetest part, if you allow it to be. There is a sense that in this life journey there is “no grand arrival,” only moments where we grow and experience a deeper understanding of ourselves and within that, the love and grace that has been extended to us. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others around you.
What are your thoughts in regards to the way we grow? Does your faith have any part of it? Does your work in therapy have a part? Leave a comment below.
Cute Lee is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor who is licensed to practice in Minnesota, Missouri, and Tennessee. In the past, he’s been a pastor, mentor, and terrible golfer. Today, he tries his best to embrace every day with intentionality as a believer of Jesus, husband, and father. With his wife, Song, and two sons, Cute lives in Minnesota where they love attending local events and eating tasty foods. He works out of a local community mental health practice as well as his private practice FaithDojoCounseling LLC.